my dad is an ass. a 70 year old pink pucker of an asshole. after a long series of affairs dad has, at long last, worked my stepmom’s last nerve. she recently decided to divorce him. my dad is mad at me for ‘causing’ this whole situation, because, apparently, i got the story out in the open by asking my half sister why my stepmom had boycotted my birthday celebration. (it had nothing to do with me, she was just refusing to be seen with her husband in public anymore) this caused my half sister to put several disconcerting and half understood events in their proper perspective, and figure out that our dad was schtupping some skank on the side. which in turn prompted my half sister to confront our father, (with me) about the affair, and to try to get him to ‘not do anything stupid’ and ended ultimately with my stepmom deciding to divorce my dad. not because he was having an affair. she has known about him doing this for the last twenty years. (their relationship has not been ‘physical’ for some time, due to health reasons, even though my dad must INJECT DRUGS INTO HIS PENIS WITH A NEEDLE TO ACHIEVE AN ERECTION! my stepmom has turned a blind eye to the slut situation for the last twenty years because she thought dad had ‘needs’ that she could not meet) the problem for her was that, according to her, dad had ‘brought it home.’ he leased the slut a top of the line 5-series bmw, bought her house for her when she had defaulted on the mortgage, (in serious violation of his professional ethics. if it was ever found out, there would be severe consequences), and lets her live in it for free while he pays to repair the garage that was damaged in a windstorm. i think it was the car that finally did it. the leasing papers were mailed to dad’s home instead of his office. my stepmom, who raised his children, who cared for my dad’s mother as she died of alzheimer’s dementia in their home, and who cared for my father as he had heart attacks, bypass surgery, and lung cancer; has never driven anything more than a chrysler. and never complained or felt bad about it, even though they could have easily afforded better. so, when the papers for the skank’s bmw arrived at their home, i imagine she felt hurt, betrayed, and angry. so she did something about it, and decided to divorce him.
this isn’t what has me so ticked off. you want to know what’s got me so irate? glad you asked. i need a dad right now. i’ve got a horny seventy year old who is acting like a college freshman who just discovered women. as you may know, my dear ephelba is expecting. i want to talk to my father about what it is like to be expecting a child, what his perspective is on the whole thing, any funny anecdotes about my mom being pregnant, crap like that. instead, i sit and listen to his drivel about him flirting with a bank teller named ‘wanda’ and then, as a way to get into her pants, he buys her a dvd of the movie ‘’a fish named wanda,” because, you see, her name is wanda and the fish’s name is wanda, so she should just jump right into bed with him! (do you believe the massively stupid level of bullshit he is handing out? it boggles my mind!) i was trying to eat during this creepshow of a story, and how i kept my meal down in its proper place is a new miracle of self control. i feel really ripped off. instead of a father, i get a super annoying college ‘roomie’ who is always trying to tell me about how he almost scored. i can’t take it. its enough to make a dog barf. i mean, who would want to fuck this man, with half the number of teeth he should have, who looks like death on a cracker from decades of smoking and inactivity, who can’t walk a city block without a rest, whose health is so bad he can’t take viagra to get his dick up but instead he has to stick a needle in his penis and shoot drugs into it to get an erection. oh. my. god. who could go through with actually fucking some one who sticks a needle in his dick. that is so gross. can the money be that good? did i mention that the skank is younger than some of his children?
so i am over at dad’s house the other day, helping my brother move out of their basement (its a long story, involving depression) into a condo purchased by my father for a previous skank, (another long story) because the constant air of tension was driving him crazy. so there i am, in their living room with my dad sitting on the couch in his boxers, another revolting sight, with the skinny hairless neon white legs. he’s absorbed in watching tv news, and barely grunts as i say good bye. then i go into the den where my stepmom is also watching tv. she looks up and smiles at me and gets up to give me a hug. then she says that she hopes that the current situation between herself and my father won’t be cause for a rift between herself and me, ephelba, boy, and the new baby. she almost cries as she says this. i tell her that no way will i let that happen. and i mean it.