my dear ephelba's uncle stan died a couple weeks ago. (i've been a while posting this) we had a funeral last month, and had his body cremated. this last saturday, we buried him next to his father. while his death was expected sometime within the year, the suddenness of his passing caught us all by surprise. uncle stan has been coping with congestive heart failure, clp disease, and type 2 diabetes for some years now. but this last visit to the hospital turned up something new and ugly: a metastasized cancer that had spread throughout his body- bones, liver, lungs, and brain. aunt maggie, stan's wife, had called us about 2 weeks ago to tell us. the cancer in stan's brain was affecting his cognative abilities, and sometimes he didn't know his family. there was nothing, really, that they could do, doctors told us. they advised a course of chemo to clear up his brain cancer somewhat, this would clear up his brain function and improve his quality of life. but that was about it. then hospice or nursing home care until he died. we were told not to expect more than 6 to 8 months, possibly a year more. it was not the way stan would have wanted things. and this last friday, while he was napping, his heart stopped and stan moved on.

i've known stan about as long as i've known ephelba. maggie and stan are about the most important people in ephelba's life, they've cared for her like one of their own kids, who ephelba grew up with. ephelba is the daughter that maggie never had. so fairly soon after ehpelba and i knew we loved each other, it was time for me to meet them. stan was, by reputation, a 'difficult' man. he suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder, in addition to his physical problems. and this was undiagnosed for quite some time, so nobody knew what was up with some of his behaviors. also, i think he delighted in needling maggie's sister, who never missed an opportunity to take the bait, and they would go at it all day long. he would egg her on, and she would step up every time. stan just liked to have things done his way. down to the pattern of pepperonies on a pizza. you couldn't just plop them on any old way. there was a particular order they went in. most everybody around stan tried to accommodate him, since there was no use butting heads over such stuff, and the pizza is still tastes fine.

so i was warned to expect the worst, to try and accept that stan is just like that, and to try and find the good in him anyway. that wasn't hard to do. as i walked into their home and was hugged by aunt maggie, i turned and was met by stan. a burly santa claus, with his full, white beard and sticking straight up white hair; dressed in bib overalls and no shirt. stan looked me in the eye, shook my hand, and welcomed me into their home like i was family already. i expected some kind of problem, but stan was nothing but jovial, a thoughtful host who was great company.

we had brought along ephelba's new puppies, who were quite little at that time. they were scared by stan, and barked their heads off at him. heck, they barked their heads off at just about everybody. but instead of trying to calm and soothe them by speaking in soft low tones, stan would egg them on. he did try at first to be good, but you could tell he didn't like being barked at in his own home each and every time the silly pups saw him. so by the end of the day he was barking back at them, and shuffling his feet towards them, and that really did it. poor lucy just about peed, and mabel tried to snap at his pant cuff. so now there was no hope of peace in the house for the rest of the visit. the dogs just went wild each time stan would get up from his chair, or get a beer, or scratch his chin.

i remember stan, from every time we visited, as a great guy to hang out with. an educated man with a master's degree, but no pretension. he liked to hunt and fish and mess about fixing things. i was looking forward to deer hunting with him this fall. one thing that everyone remembers about him was his amazing pack rat abilities. he would not pass up so much as an empty cardboard box on the road. that was 'good cardboard,' invaluable when it came to working on your vehicle and you need something to lie on when you're underneath. of course, you could buy a creeper and then have room in the garage for your vehicle, but that wasn't stan's way. cardboard is infinitely useful, and not to be wasted. even if stan had the creeper, he'd still have the cardboard, so why get the creeper? spend the money you save on your family, since the cardboard is free. which is what he did. we’re all going to miss him.