ephelba and i had this huge issue come up where ephelba told me that she does not get turned on sexually anymore. ephelba is dealing with chronic fatigue syndrome (cfs). she takes a medication that has the wonderful side effect of inhibiting sexual response. so, for some time now, she tells me, she has been ‘exaggerating’ her response to me. i had known something was up with her when things that she usually really enjoys got a ho-hum response. and even before this medication fucked things up, her fatigue was a huge factor in our sex life. we usually had like fifteen minutes between the time when boi went to bed and when ephelba conked out when sex could happen. it was not good. we've learned a lot about managing cfs, and this stupid medication is one of the things that really helps. now ephelba is crying as she tells me this, because, she says, what else does she have to offer me. its not like i ask her to stay up late nights talking to her. this is not exactly true, we have often stayed up way late talking,[we can't stay up too often, since ephelba will be a wreck the next day] but i don’t argue the point. partly it is true though. ephelba can't really stay up late talking, and we can talk when boi is up anyway. so if boi is in bed and ephelba is not comatose, well guess what i want to do. i just tell her that i love her, and that there are a million things about her besides her vagina that i love about her. ephelba says she wishes she hadn't told me because now i will think that she doesn't find me attractive, or that she doesn't love me, or that she thinks i'm a bad lover. i don't really think this, not intellectually, not rationally. i know that ephelba loves me, but emotionally, there is a part of me that’s not so sure. this all comes out a couple three days later in a tearful confrontation where i tell ephelba that i feel ignored by her, and ephelba tells me i'm being hostile, and i tell her that i just feel way too vulnerable ever since she said she doesn't get turned on anymore. we cry together, and hug for a long time, and we are much better for a while. then one night we are in bed, and ephelba tells me that she feels that all i want is sex from her. she says she knows intellectually that it isn't true, but somehow, this feeling is there for her. i don't know what to say, i just remember holding her tight, and telling her how much i love her, and feeling her hold me just as tight. our poor relationship has been through so much stress. we tell ourselves that we are developing communication skills that will be very valuable later on. and its true, i think.